The Wedding - Part 3, the finale

The Elvis impersonator seemed a little out of place in the middle-of-nowhere town of Shirley, what with it being a place and time where Elvis had not been invented yet. But who cares! There was a wedding to perform and a marriage to begin and he had the legal documents to make sure it was a valid one. (They know because the Groom had pick-pocketed the poor man's wallet from his glittery jumpsuit when he wasn't paying attention. He put it back, for once, with all its contents intact).

The Little Dot Chapel was unique for it's bright decor and nonjudgmental attitudes. The Dress code was "Fancy- whatever you fancy".

 Elvis cleared his voice and began: "Dearly beloved, we are gathered hastily here today to join the hands of these two bright eyed people in matrimony. They have asked to keep the vows short and sharp, so like a dwarf with a new axe, I shall be cutting this brief. Do you, Anna Sassy-Pants, take Stealy Dan to be your awfully-wedded husband, in sickness and on bail, so long as you both may want to?"

Elvis had made sure to write down exactly what they had requested, after being told that under no circumstances (with a gun) was he to mention the death-us-do-part thing on account of a awful misunderstanding to do with Stealy's Parents. People can be so literal these days.

"Hell Yes"

 The Elvis impersonator smiled, and turned to the aforementioned Stealy Dan, a man whose parents must have had a certain plan for him since birth or at least a great sense of comedy.
"Do you Stealy Dan, take Anna Sassy-Pants to be your awfully-wedded wife, to provide alibis for and to share the profits with 50-50 for as long as your both want to?"

"Of course I do!"

"I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may now hug awkwardly"

And they lived for several years after (whose counting anyways?), feeling pretty happy with their decision. 

The End

(Thank you for the help with the names Tulse!)